top and bottom

Now I am 30's.
I am still "bottom" though.

Actually I sometime feel that I wanna be "cool top guy", but whenever I have a chance of having relationship with someone,
I stop trying to be "top".

That is just because "bottom" is "feel extremely good" about both physically and mentally...

At the moment I am invited to go to bed by someone, I feel excited !!
And then at the moment I get to know I am dominated by someone and I cannot run away from him, my pleasure becomes higher...

But as soon as the affair is done, my feeling changes suddenly and I wanna leave from him...
every time I feel like that...

From this fact my friend said that I am so weird , like half man and half woman !

Anyway, I cannot stop being "bottom" for a while...